Sometimes I just want to be April again
Please do not bash me for my feelings every mom has a down day. And it is just another way to get what is in my head out of my head.
More and more I find myself getting restless with life. I had to say it because I feel ashamed for the thoughts and feelings that I have. I am just not satisfied with the life of a stay at home mom any longer. So much that social media is your only outlet to the world and "friends" Also, a way for me to see all the things I miss and would love to be able to do. I just want to get out and do something. I want to be me. This never use to bother me as much as it does now. And I am not sure why it does either. I would hope that I am not the only stay-at-home mom out there with thoughts like these. I do not have these thoughts every day but they occur more often then they did before. I have four beautiful children. Ages 7, 6 and 4. They are my life and if I had to do it all over again I would not change a thing.
My life everyday is like the movie Ground Hog Day. A day that is stuck in a constant loop. Sure I try and change it up as much as I can but it is hard to do this when you have school, sports games, teacher meetings, etc. You just wake up and do the motions of everyday routine you have done for 4 years now. I just want to be that super mom that can do everything and you can still eat off her floor. That Mrs. Brady. So kind with the sweetest children and the house that is perfect. But then I think about it. I don't have an Alice to make my house wonderful. To do and put away the 4 baskets of laundry sitting by the washer and the stack of dishes , dirty counters, dirty bathrooms and dust that is caked all over the house. How does a person do all of that and still manage four small children? Because I have tried and I still feel like a failure. How do some of the moms do it? I NEED AN ALICE!
Recently, I went away with a friend. We went to a book convention for five days. It was full of themed parties, and book authors and panels reviews, etc. Of course I have learned to love reading because I am a stay at home mom. It has become my escape in to the social world and reality because I really do not have one. Do not get me wrong I love my children and I do not blame them for my feelings. I mean I wanted children and I am very lucky to have them in my life. They are my life. Anyways, the convention was so much fun. I felt like myself again. Enjoying adult things and being with adults. Not having a constant routine or things go to hell. Not having to do one dish or dirty floor. I felt like me again.
I guess having just little taste of it that I just want to have more. And it makes me restless with life at home after about a week or so. People tell me that I should not rush it because I will miss this time with my kids. And I know I will. And by no means do I rush my children to grow up. We have a great time the kids and I. But sometimes I just want to be ME!!
I want to sit all day and draw and make crafts and go places without a double stroller and two diaper bags. I want to just walk through the store without screaming and Mom Mom Mom. And I know what you are thinking there are lot of woman who cannot have kids that would love to have what you have. I know that too. And just to be clear I love my family and I am happy but I just want to be April sometimes.
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